The Premier League fixture list for the 2013/14 season has been released and it seems the sadistic computer that spits it out is trying to get David Moyes sacked within his first five matches as Sir Alex Ferguson's replacement at Manchester United. Here's how the league champions open the season:

17 Aug Swansea City A
24 Aug Chelsea H
31 Aug Liverpool A
14 Sep Crystal Palace H
21 Sep Manchester City A

That's away to Capital One Cup winners Swansea on opening day followed by Chelsea with Jose Mourinho back in charge at home, then away to rivals Liverpool, home against newly promoted Crystal Palace and revamping runners-up Manchester City away to round it out. What did Moyes ever do to the fixture computer to deserve such an unfriendly start in his new job? Did he once try to use it to play solitaire while downloading virus-laden pornography and feature-length films in gif format?

Playing Man United's two biggest rivals and Chelsea within the first five matches could either embolden his doubters or shut them up right from the start. So it could be an awful or a great way kick off the season (or somewhere in the middle if the results are adequately mixed). Maybe we'll even see Alex Ferguson back on the touchline when Man United host West Brom on September 28, chomping Moyes like an exceptionally large piece of ginger gum.

But regardless of what club you support, the greatest news to come out of next season's scheduling arrangement is the fact that the 2014 FA Cup final will be held (six days) after the Premier League season ends for the first time since! 2010. T his will avoid any chance of repeating the cruel scenario that played out this year in which Wigan won the FA Cup and then had their relegation sealed four days later.

For an explanation of all the migraine-inducing complexities that go into how the fixture list is compiled, read this.

A 1-0 win against Honduras gives the United States three World Cup qualifier wins in June and makes a trip to Brazil next year almost certain. It was a largely frustrating match for the USA as they had a clear majority of possession (62 percent) and far more chances on goal (13 shots, 5 on target v six and one for Honduras), but the calls weren't going their way and the shots weren't finding the net. Until Jozy Altidore scored in the 73rd minute, giving him a goal in each of the last four games to match the team record.

As intoxicatingly entertaining as the USA's 2-0 win against Panama was, this performance was encouraging in different and just as important ways. Having already climbed to the top of the table, there were many points when complacency could have set in and had a destructive effect in the match against Honduras, who beat United States 2-1 in February. But they didn't let the frustration of failed scoring chances and missed handball calls break down their confidence and drive. They kept trying, kept working and kept their focus and eventually Graham Zusi to Fabian Johnson to Jozy Altidore resulted in a wonderfully executed winner to go with a second consecutive clean sheet.

The USA now sit five points ahead of Costa Rica (who have a game in hand) and Mexico (who don't) with four matches left to play, resuming in September. Even after they do seal their qualification, there will still be work to be done. Continuing to improve the chemistry and reduce the mistakes of the backline, maybe reintroducing Landon Donovan back into the team and just generally preparing for much better competition. For now, they can sip a caipirinha and feel confident that they've put themselves in an ideal situation.

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A 1-0 win against Honduras gives the United States three World Cup qualifier wins in June and makes a trip to Brazil next year almost certain. It was the largely frustrating match for the USA as they had a clear majority of possession (62 percent) and far more chances on goal (13 shots, 5 on target v six and one for Honduras), but the calls weren't going their way and the shots weren't finding the net. Until Jozy Altidore scored in the 73rd minute, giving him a goal in each of the last four games to match the team record.

As intoxicatingly entertaining as the USA's 2-0 win against Panama was, this performance was encouraging in different and just as important ways. Having already climbed to the top of the table, there were many points when complacency could have set in and had a destructive effect in the match against Honduras, who beat United States 2-1 in February. But they didn't let the frustration of failed scoring chances and missed handball calls break down their confidence and drive. They kept trying, kept working and kept their focus and eventually Graham Zusi to Fabian Johnson to Jozy Altidore resulted in a wonderfully executed winner to go with a second consecutive clean sheet.

The USA now sit five points ahead of Costa Rica (who have a game in hand) and Mexico (who don't) with four matches left to play, resuming in September. Even after they do seal their qualification, there will still be work to be done. Continuing to improve the chemistry and reduce the mistakes of the backline, maybe reintroducing Landon Donovan back into the team and just generally preparing for much better competition. For now, they sip a caipirinha and feel confident that they've put themselves in an ideal situation.

Spain's reign of trophy plundering terror continued by beating Italy in the European U-21 Championship final to defend their title. The latest addition to Spain's silverware stockpile comes almost two weeks shy of the one-year anniversary of the Spain senior team's 4-0 win against Italy in the Euro 2012 final. The Italian U-21s fared a bit better, only losing 4-2, but a hat trick from Thiago and Spain scoring their last two goals from the penalty spot proved too much to overcome.

So where will it end? Spain are also in the midst of the Confederations Cup one of the few trophies they haven't won yet. If they can take that, you have to imagine they would grow bored of repeats and branch out to other competitions. The World Series? Super Bowl? The Ashes? Ice Hockey World Championship? The vikings of tiki-taka will not relent until they possess a jug full of tears from every nation on the planet.

Goalkeepers are used to having shots fired at them during games, but not usually from firearms.

Amateur keeper Duko Krtalica was playing in a tournament in the Sarajevo suburb of Boljakov Potok recently when he complained of a headache. The shot stopper assumed it was the result of striking his noggin on a post while making a save, so ignored the pain and carried on playing.

According to Sarajevo newspaper Dnevni Avaz, the 51-year-old completed the match, but soon complained of a stiff arm and had difficulty speaking. He was driven to a local hospital, where doctors were shocked to see that a 9mm bullet was clearly lodged in his skull.

Krtalica was immediately transferred to the department of neurosurgery and the bullet was removed. A hospital spokesman said the operation was a success and he is now in a stable condition.

This bizarre story raises so many questions. How could someone not notice a bullet entering their skull? How could that person feel well enough to play 90 minutes of football with such an injury? And who would shoot a 51-year-old man in an amateur tournament?

Only the latter question has an answer, after local police combed the area to discover that there were three weddings in Boljakov Potok that day. During at least one of those weddings, someone thought it would be a good idea to celebrate by firing off their handgun, and one of the stray bullets managed to find its way from the ether into the unfortunate keeper's cranium.

According to Dnevni Avaz, a 42-year-old local named Seyne Ligata was subsequently arrested and his pistol was seized. A further 12 shells were found near the football field, suggesting it was very lucky that no on! e else w as injured.

For the record, Krtalica only conceded one goal while playing with a bullet in his head. Thankfully, Jose Mourinho is no longer working with Iker Casillas in Madrid, or this story may have given him some ideas...

H/T: 101GG

Hundreds of thousands of people have taken to the streets of some of Brazil's biggest cities to join rapidly growing protests against a rise in public transportation cost, longstanding government corruption, exorbitant taxes and large amounts of public money spent on the ongoing Confederations Cup, 2014 World Cup and 2016 Olympics.

The convergence of outrage over these issues has been building for some time. Relatively small protests greeted the start of the Confederations Cup and Brazil president Dilma was loudly booed along with FIFA president Sepp Blatter when they tried to speak at the opening ceremony.After the third day of the tournament, a tipping point was reached. As the number of protestors grewexponentially, police responded with aggression against both the demonstrators and press covering the movement.

The video above from Brazilian filmmaker Carla Dauden provides an overview of why Brazilians are against their country hosting the World Cup. Namely, the huge cost (30 billion reais/$14 billion) of the tournament inflated by a corrupt government. Like in Sout! h Africa for the 2010 World Cup, new stadiums are being built and entire neighborhoods are being wiped out to accomodate the event while more pressing needs like education, medical services and infrastructure continue to go underserved.

Brazil has a reputation around the world for being football mad, but even they know that there are many things more important than a game. And lining FIFA's already bulging pockets isn't one of them.

Robert Lewandowski will hire a lookalike to take his place with Borussia Dortmund so he can play for Bayern Munich under a new identity. The Polish striker has been linked to some of the biggest clubs in Europe in recent weeks, but Dortmund have made it clear that they do not want to sell him. So in order to get his desired move to treble-winning Bayern Munich, Lewandowski is on the hunt for a passable lookalike who can play under his name at Dortmund.

"Once Robert finds the lookalike, he's ready to put his genius plan into action," said a source who most definitely is not Lewandowski himself. "He will grow a killer mustache and play for Bayern under the name 'Ted Raptor.' It's going to be so perfect. Wait. Now I'm starting to think that telling the press about this plan could ruin it. Actually, yeah forget I said any of this. Seriously. Stop remembering it right now. Stop remembering!""

The elaborate ruse will be a further blow to Dortmund, who finished a distant second to Bayern in the Bundesliga last season, lost midfielder Mario Gotze to them and were defeated in the Champions League final by them. Dortmund have reportedly considered hypnotizing Lewandowski to convince him that he is happy where he is and that money is bad, but they fear that resorting to mind control could lead to a public backlash. Or, even worse, make Lewandowski more susceptible to more expensive hypnosis from richer clubs.

This has been a fake transfer rumor.